Ever suddenly woken up and thought, I am worth more than this – following repeatedly being let down or broken – and finally you made a decision to not settle anymore?
The past may break you. However this is a temporary pause. And health research studies on emotional pain reveal that dire experiences have the probability to make you stronger and braver. When you gather advice, tips and tools to help you make better choices about your wellbeing. You will become wiser as you head towards the future.
I began writing consequential of situations that drew my broken heart to a place of detachment. Where I abstractedly isolated myself from everything, until I astutely realised the pivoting link was to disconnect the past, in order to embrace the future. To do this I had to consider the impact and contrast of my brokenness, together with finding new rules for living with value. Founded from my pursuit for morality, while upholding a commitment to authenticity.
Has your heart been broken – maybe once, maybe repeatedly?
We all seek this better way of living. Acquiring value and being committed through all facets of life. Somewhere in your soul, if you made the choice to end the pain, and seek a dissimilar way to recover. Out of what you feel, you will grow as you remain kind to yourself and don’t inaptly pressure yourself to mend quickly.
Over the last four weeks, I have compiled useful tips I learnt that have turned into life lessons. As you read my tips, hopefully you will build your own lessons that reflect the person you want to be based on your values. In the end it all comes down to what is important to you. When you stop chasing the wrong things and focus on integrity, your life will change.
1| Delete difficult from your vocabulary
Life is never easy. Let’s be direct. How many times have you said you can’t do something, when deep down you can?
If you frequently say that to your friends, colleagues or family, unquestionably you will let them down. On the contrary, if you say that to yourself, then you have already misled yourself, by choosing to not want to do something based on an assumption of deficient feelings.
- Only you have the ability to overcome the feeling of being overwhelmed.
- In order to successfully reduce your fear and embrace the unexpected, disable unconscious moments where you dismiss your capabilities and surrender to your reserved desire in that moment.
Obviously, if someone asked you to jump off a cliff right now, the sensible answer would be to say no! Changing your vocabulary requires your intelligent and shrewd judgement, to distinguish the relevance of what is practicably difficult and what is absurd.
2| Stuff happens to us all – what matters is what you do with it
Once you know who you are, you will gain the secret to self-confidence. You will recognise your own power as opposed to the opinions of others. You won’t find your self-worth in being liked by others. Helping you to tolerate rejection and the frown of disapproval. Your perception of yourself will change. Don’t place your insecurities under the spotlight for others to review, because you are who you choose to be. Compose your own code. For your life. All the things that matter to you.
- Do you want to be someone who is loyal and honest?
- Are you compassionate and caring?
- Define your values of reciprocity to love and life.
3| In every situation, have at least 3 plans
Imagine if I decided that I will start with plan A. If that doesn’t work I will choose plan B, if that doesn’t work I will invent plan C.
However, we can become fixated on plan A so that if plan A doesn’t or cannot work, we have blinded ourselves to other options and are unable to even contemplate plan B let alone plan C.
I wonder how many of you are nodding in agreement, but could also confirm that in certain scenarios plan B or C turned out to be way better than plan A in every way. Now this may not be the norm to some who only opt for plan A or B.
- But, if neither plan worked, are you going to just give up or make a plan when life situations don’t turn out the way you expected?
- When it comes to succeeding, people are looking for champions to look up to. If this doesn’t work, then maybe that might. Learn from those who fought for their intentions and become victors. Then become your own champion by initiating your own replacement plans to embrace risk.
4| Problems shouldn’t make your perception bleak
How do you view life? The way you view yourself is the way you will project yourself.
Thinking only in negative or positive ways can be disadvantageous, as you will only see one or the other. When we reach for a more balanced means of thinking, this enables us to venture into uncertainty. Unfolding ways to gain a clearer view and not miss out on the richness life could offer us. Rather than if we saw every problem as good or bad leading to self-defeat before we even begin. Perspective is not perpetual, rather your choices are.
- Re-examine how you want to think. Reaching a balance is taking a deep breath and then trying to view the situation in a reasonable way. If you always believed that nothing will change, then it won’t. But if you self-reflect on the situation. Then calmly challenge your opinions and reframe your thoughts to the situation, in time you will do this automatically.
- Drawbacks only halt our progress if we choose to let them pull us down. No experience is wasted, so why not redeem your past like a voucher for your future. You won’t feel imprisoned to how things were, because you will define new ways and create adjustments to your plights or dismal circumstances.
5| Have faith for every eventuality
Do you give up on God when things get difficult? Having faith means you don’t lose that hope when life gets bleak. That is where your plan B or C could come in handy. Cancellations or apologies or bad weather can sway us all.
- Contrastingly, if your faith persists, you will reliably trust God no matter what the outcome will be. Then believe that the task at hand is possible.
- Too often we focus on the obstacles instead of believing in ourselves more. As you move along, hand in hand with persistent hard work, some things naturally fall into place.
- With each step you grow stronger, more skilled and sassy.
- Break the cycle of selling yourself as short or inadequate.
6| You control how others treat you
Remember when you suddenly awakened to the idea that you are worth more than what you settle for?
When you need to speak up, be polite about it. How others treat you will be a mirror of how you treat yourself. It all begins with self-respect. Followed by respect for others, where they feel validated by how you speak and act towards them.
- Don’t let anyone steal your self-esteem. This is the most important part of you that you will need to advance forward with. Communication should be compassionate and in a clear, helpful way.
- People will tell you what they think. Many times with brashness, but you get to choose which parts you take from both those who mean well and those who don’t.
- Unfortunately it will be impossible to never cross paths with people who rub us up the wrong way. You will encounter friction and possible unhealthy relationships.
- How you react to how others treat you is the difference between allowing yourself to be taken for granted, misused or abused. All because you become that poised person you want to be, that does not attract negative and toxic people.
7| Make wise choices
What is your first thought? Is this too demanding to tackle?
Whether you are taking your first step into the working world or deliberate over decisions for elderly relatives. You need to take time to consider all the options, facts and risk. Seek the advice of those who are wiser. Whether your heart feels like it is pounding in your chest and courage seems absent. If you choose God’s wisdom, you will pursue courage and no matter how each chapter ends, you will be content.
- Temptation is life’s biggest hurdle. How you remove or control temptations is something you must master along your own path.
- Sometimes we become the person we are, through emulating the behaviours of others. On the opposite side, there is a reset button to change and model new behaviours.
- If you want to be a reliable person, you have to begin by being punctual.
- If you want to be admired, value others.
- The more you practice making wise choices; beyond incapacity and incapability, you will implant better decisions for your life.
8| Prioritize your priorities
Have you noticed how life has turned into a major priority?
Everyday everything seems to be urgent. Most times before you walk into the room, someone comes speeding towards you screeching that an important task is needed right now. So how do we rank our priorities, when everything is a priority? And the ability to become overwhelmed and stressed cannot be postponed to another time? Take a minute to reframe your thinking. Whether in your head or otherwise, set out the deadlines as realistically as you can for the requested task.
- Don’t make prioritising priorities a prison for yourself. You may need time to acknowledge new lessons, but the key is to move on from every experience with something important to grasp.
- You will never learn unless you explore your options before forming decisions. Whether it be daily choices to important life changing decisions that are both complicated and challenging. This is necessary if you are to observe every priority as a lesson with significance.
- Some decisions are hard with permanent or irreversible consequences. But growth nurtures change and positive change invokes lessons that create rules. In this case you are surviving disappointing ordeals by the importance you give to what you prioritise. How do you want it to look?
Share your thoughts…
Does creating new rules for life get you excited? Life has no manual only lessons you learn, when there’s no guide or handout.
Are you eager to embrace the idea of instigating a future note to yourself? Where you hope to see yourself in 1-5 years from now? Will you be the same person or someone totally different? What will you pursue in your commitment to authenticity?
Write a note today and open it in a year’s time to see the progress you began.