Are you happy with your own company?
It’s February! With one extra day this leap year to make an impact – my focal point is on relationships. Firstly because this is the month of love and secondly because I have been reflecting on what I could extract from the past decade. Not because I profess to be a relationship expert, but simply as I acknowledge the importance of my own journey towards marriage. In an energising new decade, I have two questions for you:
- Would you be comfortable to say that you are happy exactly how you are?
- Would you gladly want someone else to be with the person you are?
The secret is not to revert to any old version of you. I know when it comes to relationships; we may have our individual fantasies or fairy tale ideologies. That when we meet the right person – everything will turn out right. To kick start the month, we are looking in the rear view mirror of life and some of the errors we may have made when we were younger, so we can be content with who we are, regardless of whether we are in a relationship or single.
Someone your single self would be proud to become. Then step back and unlock the door, to meet someone who will devote fondness and be as hopeless a romantic as you. Whether fantasy or otherwise, mull over what you are looking for in a partner, because this is crucial to what relationship you will eventually end up in.
Don’t chase glitter trying to find a gemstone
Are you curious by nature? Always searching for solutions. And relationships are no different.
Chasing is invaluable, whether it be friendships or relationships. Expecially those who don’t reciprocate your feelings. When you chase someone who perhaps doesn’t like you, this could leave you miserable.
Because if you always make an effort, trying to hold the attention of someone where it feels a bit one-sided. And you doubt yourself when you are with them, wondering if you are good enough, because they cannot see your worth. Always waiting for someone to text or call you. Uncertain whether you getting mixed signals or not.
- This is a hint that chasing is a depletion of your time.
- Someday you will be think back (with a sigh of relief) and be appreciative that you switched your time into something or someone that won’t waste your value and passion.
Keeping tabs on someone isn’t worth the stress or time if you have to deal with cancelled plans or unmet expectations. From changes to heartache because it seems they would be fine if they never saw you again. You don’t have to beg someone for attention. They should be able to appreciate your worth and honour you as a person without you having to prove yourself.
Don’t compare your today with someone else’s yesterday
An absolute not is comparing yourself to your friends, because you might be more emotionally mature than they are.
Before deciding whether you are sincere about looking for someone, examine yourself first.
- Are you the person of integrity you hope they will be?
- Are you the honest, respectful person you are looking for?
Instinctively make choices you hope your ideal match will mirror. Having a rule book of qualities you expect them to be born with may seem like a good idea. But, trying to find the person who would fit into that book might not be realistic. However, if you become the person you have drafted in your rule book. Those painful distressing ordeals where you once were in a dark and negative place will cease. Because you will become positive and good. Where you won’t attract toxic people or those who play games any longer.
- Your fierceness for life and determination will give you the ability to be best friends and rely on each other.
- Cherish the importance of family and values.
- Be hard working and make the time for each other.
- Most of all forgive those little things that can inundate couples.
- You won’t have to convince anyone, because mutual trust will be unmistakable as you envisage a future where you both are walking in the same direction.
Don’t repeatedly become consumed by what qualities you require someone else to have
Often to the point that you neglect your development. Or miss that admirable reaching point where you have become the person you want to meet but fail to recognise this. Pursue these qualities. Enjoy the ride because with hard work change is inevitable. And what you dreamed of will be apparent when you meet him. When you begin praying for your future husband, sometimes God will prompt you to become more of the person you were hoping he would be.
How would you define yourself as a person? When faced with difficult decisions in varying relationship settings, what you say and believe could be the turning point. Instead of saying… I wish I could find someone who is respectful, understanding, trusting and supportive. Alter your mindset to… I wish I could be more respectful, understanding, trusting or supportive.
- Aim high. Every experience is a tool to build that great person you will become.
- Shine the light into those moments where you might hesitate. To be the person that you want to be with forever.
- Who is funny and smart and never gives up! In the process someone else might think that too.
If you infuse sensitivity and empathy into everything you do. Eventually the person you meet will be open and match this exactly. Your hard work and persistent attitude will help you build an independent live, deduced from experience and life changing events. Where you reinvent yourself to be fun and this attracts others to your charisma and energy.
For those specific traits you spent countless hours considering, remind yourself as you look in the mirror until you confidently get to that point where you have all of them!
- The creative streak and your strong work ethic.
- The light heartedness where you have learned how to be happy as you laugh at yourself and life.
- The dignity for yourself where previously you doubted whether you respected yourself and were threatened by controlling situations and aggressive pushing of boundaries.
Your tenacious and strong spirit will influence how you succeed in being the person you are looking for.
Don’t trundle with unnecessary baggage
What you carry along with you or cling to from every hurtful experience or disappointment becomes emotional baggage. That you haul to every relationship or friendship oblivious to the mistakes you need to take responsibility for. This is crucial if you are to let go and abandon any emotional baggage from your past to erect a new and unsullied future.
Letting go and dealing with excess emotional baggage is the only way to progress, Live, breathe and pray with God incessantly at the centre of your life and you will never go wrong.
- The right relationship will be one that doesn’t fill a hole. Rather you will both be whole and prepared to support each other.
- If someone is drawing you away from God then they are probably not the one. As you should be able to be yourself and not be afraid that he won’t understand.
Begin by fashioning the qualities where you don’t apologise for aspiring to be loyal, sincere, confident and compassionate. Everything you hope and dream of in your future spouse. Unquestionably you will become someone who is authentic and lives with integrity.
Share your thoughts…
What challenges have you waded through to make it to this point?
Would you bypass that relationship? Say yes to that opportunity? Are you this person? I would love to hear from you…