Are there people who don’t belong in your life?
Those harmful and difficult people who treat us in a malicious and unsafe manner. They can be manipulative and controlling. Never owing their actions or apologising and their behaviour converts from ‘how you talk’ rather than ‘what you are trying to say’. You end up having to prove yourself to them because they overstate your actions. Most times they are inconsistent and predominantly unsupportive, lacking empathy or interested in what is important to you. Acting in a passive aggressive way that can leave you questioning your self-worth.
Toxic relationships, friendships or family pull us down with their constant criticism and are like an infection that if not treated can spread and kill us. With toxic people, it becomes about how you can help them fix them or their problems because they make you feel that you are personally responsible for what has happened to them. If you continue in this cycle you will feel drained and jaded because you will be constantly frustrated and walk on eggshells. No one should make you feel bad about yourself; if this is the case it might be time to re-evaluate this friendship or relationship. Either back away or take steps to end the relationship.
Relationships are complex, so if you are experiencing any of this, please do talk with your doctor and seek further professional medical advice or find a therapist to provide psychological support.
How do you eliminate this cycle of toxic people?
Courage is the antidote to emotional healing because you cannot heal what cannot or refuses to heal. As in the long run you will lose a lot more. Creating healthy boundaries is a start to figuring out how to move away or from the situation. Most times it is not that simple and there could be retaliation when the person realises you are setting boundaries so they can attempt to gain the upper hand. Continue to be firm and strong. Because they will claim you were too sensitive and they didn’t really mean what they said. However abuse in a verbal or emotional way is still abuse. And eventually, you will have to call the hard shots and walk away for good.
I have been focusing on personal growth and healing emotionally is part of growing, nurturing and thriving. Sometimes healing from toxic relationships will only be accelerated by founding relationships with the right people.
There are many urban parables about how some incompatible relationships don’t work.
- The girl who placed the snake in her pocket.
- The frog who asked the scorpion for a piggy back across the pond.
The underlying point is that the nature of some people is to hurt us. And it is not our job to manage or control or try changing their nature. With how they affect and infect us. That is God’s responsibility! It becomes like two dancers using different steps and expecting the dance to flow, there is no way you can unless you are in synchrony.
In life sometimes we have to realise that we picked the wrong person not the dance! God is clear in letting us know that we cannot be connected to someone who does not share our God given values. He is the Artisan of our soul so understands our emotions. Indeed God can work all things and some issues can be remedied through avenues of counselling and prayer.
- On the contrary, you cannot teach someone to care about you if they don’t.
- Or pollute your atmosphere with their toxicity.
- Or kill your productivity by holding you back and chip away until you are jaded and break your flow due to constant control, possessiveness or detrimental deeds.
The key is to pray and ask God whether certain people should be in your life or not.
In a recent post I have considered the importance of leaders being emotionally intelligent; likewise, I think this can assist us to deal with toxic people who lack the ability to be rational with an instinct that continuously is negative creating strife in your life. You need to begin to detach yourself and manage your emotions to deal with the situation. You will rise above the problem and deal with the predictability of their behaviour and acquire a better understanding of how to act and respond.
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